I hate being so madly in love with you...


They warned me about you.
They told me you'd hurt me.
But I didn't listen.
Their warnings could've hardly prepared me for what happened.

Your tongue, so sharp, so blunt
Brought tears to my eyes.
But your voice was so soft and your eyes were so majestic
That they were worth every tug on my heart strings.

Your judgements were rough but your skin was so smooth
The inviting warmth of your embrace won't leave my head.
You'd hurt me, they'd warned me, but they couldn't anticipate what happened next.
I fell for you and then I hit the ground running, so very far away from you.

I not only lost you, I gave you away.
I pushed you straight into her waiting arms.
And you love her.
And I love you.
And when the whispers get around that my heart still calls to you
That's when you choose to pop back into my life.

I still taste your lips in my head.
When I close my eyes and breathe deep, I smell your sweet breath.
And I'm losing myself in your scent, it almost feels like home
I wear your shirt to bed to feel like I'm not going to fall asleep alone.

I wish you wouldn't ask me why you're so perfect to me.
You understand my detached nature and now how to keep me running back.
You keep me from leaning over the ledge, but allow me to peak.
I miss you so much.

Some people always tell me it's good that I live in a fairly small town. Denton's nowhere near as big as Dallas or anything and people are always like "Oh, you must not have to deal with a lot of drama."

Haha. Too bad all the dramatic people move to Denton. This constant bickering is leaving a hollow spot in my head that allows a lot of loud buzzing. It's truly annoying.

This frustration is endless, these colors are blurring, and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

All this shit is making me sick. It makes my stomach and head hurt. I've started encouraging old-friends-turned-enemies to use whatever they know about me against me. It'll only provoke me to fight harder.

 

But I don't want to fight anymore. Maybe my impression's wrong. Maybe fighting harder won't mean fighting less. Mayve it'll lead to fighting more. But I just don't care anymore.

I hate this so fucking much, I can hardly take it. I'm seriously depressed as shit and I feel alone.

Is that the truth? Probably, actually. It seems like no one cares. I'm over-reacting to everything, I'm bitter, and I'm getting defensive easily. Everything is going wrong.

Absolutely everything.

I can't stand it.